I've been wondering how to describe the indescribable, how to express the inexpressible....how does one put into words that which there are no words for? How does one tell about an experience of spirit, without it being diminished in the telling of it? That's the dilemma I face as I try to recount here some of the experiences I've had. Just before, and for a long time after my son Jimmy died, I felt like a window was opened in my spirit. I had experiences, and "knew" things that were beyond earthly norms. In time, the window closed, and I was left with only the memories of that time, and the experiences I had in it. I have not felt the same level of open-ness and connectedness I had to the spiritual realm since my husband died, though I have had beautiful and meaningful experiences that were more subtle. (With the exception of the one I described in my last post; which was exceptional.) It's one thing to describe as best I can the actual experiences, but I cannot put into words the feelings of wonder that came with them, and the absolute "knowing" that made them so real to me....the reality and truth of the experience that exceeds the "reality" we live every day. I know those of you who have experienced these kinds of things will understand what I'm saying. Believing in the possibility of these kinds of experiences makes it more likely that you will have them. One thing I have also come to realize about these "otherworldly" experiences is that they have what I call a "perfection of purpose". This means that you can't "will" them to happen. They come as they come, and when they come, it is to fulfill a higher purpose.

Another experience I had after Jimmy (my son) died, was that I had a dream one night that was different from the usual, fragmented dreams I normally have. This dream was very clear, and I was experiencing it as an observer, instead of as the "actor". It followed a clear, somewhat rational path; with a start and finish that seemed more logical than my usual dreams. It felt different in every way from an average "common" dream. In this dream, I saw myself in the "Holodeck" on a space-ship. It was like the "Holodeck" on the Enterprise from the television series that was a sequel to the original "Star Trek". ( This version was called Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) I was in a large room with white walls, and I was alone. The "me" I was watching from above, was unaware that there were not others around, and was unaware that there wasn't a "world" around her. I watched "myself" interacting, talking, and going through the motions of my "life" in this place where the computer generates a three dimensional, holographic, virtual "reality". I then became aware that my son was standing outside the holodeck door, and that the true reality was where he was; right beyond the door. It was vaster and more magnificent than anything I had ever seen.

I believe Jimmy sent me this "vision" because he knew I'd understand and recognize the reference to the television show we'd often watched together late at night. He was showing me something about the nature of reality; it is an illusion. It is a complex virtual exercise designed to give us experience. Quantum physics is proving this to be true....what we perceive to be real is just a construct, the vision that our senses project and create out of the energy waves that are what's really "out there". The other thing I have experienced (in this dream and in some wide awake moments) is being "out of time"...in a place where time does not exist, and you feel a perfect connectedness with everything. Time and space are illusion. We are all projections of the "one" intelligence; like the aspen forest, not many trees, but ONE organism, all connected to the immense root system just below the surface....