It's been awhile since I last wrote. I can't seem to write just because I want to....it seems I have to be inspired to write. On July 29th, it will have been 5 years since my husband died at 55 of cancer. It has been a tough five years in many ways. I've had to learn to do so many things I'd never done before...pay the bills, do the taxes, maintain a house and yard...etc. Most of all I've had to deal with being the only mortal one in this relationship. I'm sure that sounds odd; yes, I'm still in a relationship. I still feel remarkably connected to my sweetheart; in fact, our relationship is an ongoing thing. (I've spoken in other posts about the communication that continues between us.) Being a "mixed" couple (one mortal the other a spirit being, or former mortal) has its limitations to be sure. (Yes, this is a bit "tongue in cheek"; but don't for a moment think I don't mean what I'm saying.) I have had to learn to deal with the limitations: the absence of the physical manifestation of my husband, the longing for his touch, the sight of him, the sound of his voice, etc. Notice I did not say that I long for his PRESENCE....that is still very much with me. As a blind person learns to "see" with enhanced and highly developed senses other than sight; I have learned to hone and rely at times on my "spirit senses". We do have spirit "eyes" and "ears". We can perceive with that "other" part of us that is not physical.

I can sense when my husband, son, or other non-physical entity is close. I can somehow "know" what they are trying to communicate to me. I have had this ability for as long as I can remember...though it seems to have become much stronger since my son died at 18 in 1996. I don't think this ability is particularly unique because I believe it's an ability we can all develop. I think the first step toward developing this enhanced perception is believing that it is possible. We also have to believe that there is another dimension of being...and that our personalities/spirits are eternal. I also practice a method I call "going deep". If there is a question I need answered from someone who has passed on; I ask the question then close my eyes and shut out all the external signals. I have to consciously clear out my thoughts and that is when I "go deep". (That is the part of the process I can't really describe.) I seem to go to a very quiet and deep part of my self....then I become very still and listen. I have had some profound experiences with this. I am able (not always, but often) to "know" or "hear" what the answer is. These answers seem to come from a place outside my own consciousness and thought-processes. These are things I couldn't have known, but have later proven to be true. One somewhat humorous example: Just before my husband got sick we were going to the horse track to watch a friend's horse race. We needed to be there at a certain time to see this particular race. As we were getting ready to leave, my husband went looking for his car keys. He couldn't find them anywhere. I had a set of duplicate keys but he needed his to get something from his trunk he needed to give the man whose horse we were going to see. His search for the keys was fruitless and frustrating. He had been sitting in a recliner before we started looking, so he looked there three times...even turning the chair upside down. I could see how upset he was getting so I thought of my friend Sally's Mom who was able to "find" anything. Friends and family members would call her from all over and say: Muriel, I've lost my _____. Can you tell me where it is?" Muriel would say a prayer, then call them back to tell them where to find their lost thing. (Invariably she was right!) Muriel had been deceased for about two years when I decided (with a chuckle) to ask her where to find my husband's keys. I ask her (not out loud, but in my head) "where are Jim's keys?" I then "went deep" and listened. It wasn't long before I heard; clear as a bell in my "mind's ear" Muriel's answer: "Your sitting on them!" It sounded just the way Muriel would have said it in life....she even sounded a bit irritated, as if I had interrupted her. I thought "Jim's looked in that chair three times." but I had to go look yet again. I stuck my hand deep into the side of the chair cushion; and sure enough, there were his keys. Jim could not believe I'd found his keys. We made it to the racetrack and had one of the last fun days together we would have before he got sick. I do believe that there are times when we won't get answers....I believe that on that particular day there was a purpose to my getting that prompt answer to such a mundane thing...PURPOSE is the key word. I believe that it was important for us to find Jim's keys so we could get on with being together. We didn't know then how short his time was. There is a purpose to everything; though most of the time we only get to see the purpose in hindsight. I still haven't seen the purpose in Jim's dying so young....I struggle to find the purpose in my being here alone in the physical sense. I do know that I'm not really alone...that there are those who are with us still.