I found out after my experiences with the white butterfly that butterflies are a very real symbol of rebirth. The butterfly doesn't die to be reborn....it is transformed. I think the life cycle of the caterpillar/butterfly is a perfect metaphor for early life and death. The lowly, earthbound caterpillar is transformed into a butterfly, a creature that has grown beautiful wings, and transcends it's earlier incarnation. I believe that is what it is like to die, our energy and personality never dies, we are transformed, and transcend the limits of the physical plane. Quantum Physics tells us that energy is never lost, diminished or destroyed; it just changes form. I have felt the energy and presence of my deceased loved ones on many occasions. They live. Sometimes it is almost enough to know that....other times the physical absence of them pushes me to the edge of endurance. I do try to remember this when life gets hard; there is sooooo much more to life than meets the eye!

Three weeks or so, after my son died, I was cooking breakfast on a Sunday morning for the first time since the Sunday before he died. I stopped for a moment to look at a cute picture of him that I'd put on the fridge door. I felt such a hole in my center, as if a real hole had been blasted through me. I thought: "My family is broken, it's no longer whole." At that moment I felt my son's presence, and I realized that he was standing by the fridge, just to the left of me. At that instant, I felt the hole in me fill up with warmth and peace. In that timeless moment, I also heard (in my mind's ear) my son saying: "Mom, I'm not far away, I'm just out of sight."

I know he spoke the truth, he was very near; but in a form that I couldn't perceive with my earth-eyes. My family IS whole.

I know that this all sounds a little strange, and I'm sure there are those of you (some of my friends and family) who, if you ever come to read this, will think: "Poor Shelley, she's finally gone "round the bend". Well, you may be right, but I don't think so!