I was digging through my cedar chest today and found an old flash-drive that had the documents from my old computer.  I connected it to my computer and while looking at the documents I found this poem I wrote to my husband two years after he died in 2006.  I'm going to post it here...I'm not sure any of you will find it interesting; but this blog is a place for me to save the poems, experiences of spirit and insights I've had since losing my husband and son.

Such a beautiful man.
I thought you would live forever.
I would gaze at your profile as you drove
Or while you slept.

Your heart was strong
I thought it would beat forever.
Listening to its measured beats
As I lay with my ear on your chest.

You had a look of surprise
The day that pain gave notice.
Back pain; you'd had it before,
It would pass in time.

It was the look in your eyes
When the pain first came
That I would remember later.
You knew then what was coming.

Denial for me was a refuge.
I never believed you would die.
Someone else, perhaps
But not you, not ever you.

You acquiesced so gracefully
As I fussed around you (and raged)
You kept all that you felt inside,
Sparing us; as you always had.

As Cancer took its toll,
You became more beautiful.
I could feel your spirit,
Radiating beyond perimeters of flesh.

I never knew until then
How strong your spirit was.
Me, so reliant on your mental and physical strength.
Thinking that was who you were.

You were still beautiful when we buried you.
Looking so much like the young man I met,
When our bodies were as young as spirit always is.
We thought we'd live forever.

You have found forever; wait there for me
When I have found a way to embrace life
With all of the joy and gratitude you had,
Maybe then I will be ready to join you .